Sleepless nights.

And that's the fucking truth, it's simple and easy.
It's the way it never is, but it's the way that it should be.

Lyricising has been happening a lot lately in this very room where I sit, tired but restless, exhausted but sleepless in a pile of blankets and unorganized thoughts.
I have a test tomorrow. But my deviation from the normal [out-till-one having hella fun with awesome kids] mentality has been fucking with me emotionally.

I hope that's what it is. God I hope this feeling of unaccomplished stress is just an [I-have-a-test-tomorrow-so-I-haven't been having enough fun lately] kind of thing. Crazy how things take it's toll.

I spent a lot of time in the past few days thinking about the delicate balance between fun time and alone time. I think I achieved the balance last week when I saw Jupiter from the top of the RLM building and followed friends to the art building to waste time just...being. Those are the kinds of things you live to tell about. Not the 96 on the psych test. Don't get me wrong. That shit's awesome, and I need to do that. But I will NOT sacrifice growing and learning and BEING experience for that calibrated bullshit.

Oh yeah, I went there. Thought I've been having a lot. Calibration. What bullshit. Who's to say you can demonstrate your thorough knowledge of a subject by spitting out exactly what learning objectives one professor thinks you should know. I'm not blaming the professor. I'm blaming society for not realizing the irony in using a system of simplification (A/B scale) to measure depth of understanding.

Always get to thinking about that. One time I met someone who agreed before I ever introduced the idea. "Maybe we're the idiots, because we see what's going on, but we still submit to it."

On the other hand, I don't want to be a sinking boat. I don't want anyone to be a sinking boat.
I know a sinking boat. I just didn't know he was sinking.
I wish he wasn't sinking. But I think all I can do is wish.

I have to be content with myself before I can invest said self into anyone else, right?
And I know where I want to invest that self.

But I digress.

The point of this blog was to say last week was awesome and this week, so far, is not.
And to put me to sleep.
I might not sleep well until I feel like myself again.

Khuda fuz.