You know

I was starting to feel better for a little bit when I would write frequently so here I go trying.

Today I read about a 20 year old guy who's dying of a rare blood disorder and doesn't know what it is -- it's sad, but I thought I'd start this post out with that for some perspective.

Amalie, it's not that bad.

But with that, my uncle is in the hospital for detox from high alcohol levels. It's really bad. And it's happened before and nobody knows how to handle it because no one has any faith in him to make a life for himself if he's put out on his ass. He's embarrassed of his situation and doesn't want to ask his immediate family for help because he's failed before.
Everyone in his family is just sick of the drama and cold hearted. But I haven't given up -- I just don't have the means to do anything it seems, but to speak kind words and be here for him. But I can't really unless he reaches out to me.

I don't like the way my body looks and I don't even feel good. I don't have very much energy because it's 100 degrees outside and that doesn't help.

Because my grandparents are no longer coming to austin because of the situation with my uncle, my weekend has freed up and my parents want me to go on vacation with them this weekend and I don't want to because
It's the week before school starts and it was very short notice and I'm not ready to leave for 4 days. I think they're ok with it though -- if there's one thing I have peace of mind about it's this -- but I do miss my family and I wish they were here.

Schools about to start and it's making me nervous like it does ever year - but in a subconscious way. It's almost as if that stress intensifies other stress that I have about other things but otter than that has no effect on me at all.

Im. Tired. Of. Everyone.
And it's fucking up my relationship.

I'm tired of being alone - which is how I spend the first half of every day now, and I wonder if thats shaping me to be more antisocial than I already am.

The good news is schools about to start and therein lies a lot of opportunity to meet some new friends.

In about a week I will be better.
Once I have to get my ass to class, talk to people, forget about everything else and stop entertaining myself with food and trees.

Tschüsi

Set up

I don't even feel alive right now.

I had a bad day today. I was alone or running around for most of it. Super tweaking on caffiene. Did way too much. Hurt my back.

And I fucking can't handle anything right now. Being frustrated. Having people frustrated with me.